I can't even describe how much I love this song.. especially at this moment...
Orientation was boring as eff.... So we just cut the second half after they brought us to a dim sum place ahhahaa. But seriously, I hate sitting in a place for so long and just listening to them talk. It makes me kind of anxious to move. Something cool I noticed though, was this small gallery of Chinese tools and tea sets right inside of the Chinese medicine building. That made my day since I like finding new and interesting random things.
My first week of work is finally over!! It might be a bit late to be starting an internship with barely a month of summer left but it's better late than never. I can honestly say I am learning a lot through this marketing internship, from managing data in a content management system, to learning about ad production and scheduling. I wish I knew design though because so much of marketing is design based. Since I don't know design, I can't help out with the more important projects. But with all that said and done, it's time for a short break from NYC. PA retreat here I come. HEHE
I always thought I knew who I was, personally and in relation to others but reading Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I've realized that I have a long way to go. A lot of problems I've had dealing with or stress that's caused me headache, are a result of a lack of clear boundaries. An example would be giving, my own and my parents'.
I'm not sure when it started but as I grew older, giving out of Love became harder. At times I would think, why am I doing so much for this person when he/she doesn't even appreciate it? This would more often than not, end up in bitterness and I don't like that feeling. It makes me feel like I shouldn't give next time but that soon leads to feelings of guilt for being selfish. Reading this book though has made me understand that even in giving, there should be limits. I shouldn't give out of obligation because that only leads to resentment. I also shouldn't give more than I have, whether it be talents, time, emotions, or money, because that would only hurt me over and over again. Setting boundaries and saying no to someone I love isn't going to harm them. It might hurt them in the short run. It doesn't mean that I should disregard others' feelings. It just means that the decision I make should still be made, after considering their feelings. In the long run, this is better for the other person and for me. Giving should be out of love and not obligation.
Another thing, I learned is that a gift is something you should be thankful for not something you should feel obligated to repay. Yes this might sound obvious but when it happens, you might not even recognize it. The book uses a great example. When you give your sincere thanks to someone for a favor but they seem to be unsatisfied, then it is a loan not a gift. A gift is something you give without expecting anything in return. Sometimes I forget that what my parents have given me are gifts and not loans. I was constantly burdened by the feeling that I owed my parents for everything they'd done for me. This grew to the point that I even started to resent them. I felt like I wouldn't be able to live life the way I wanted because of my "obligation" to them. I'm finally starting to understand a little better now though. This "burden" that I felt, wasn't really a burden at all. It was all self constructed and self-inflicted. I really regret the way I acted towards my parents during that period. To them it might have seemed like I was rebelling. It's for the better that they never know the real reason and I can make it up to them now by being a better daughter.
I think one of my favorite memories from when I was small was going through the grocery bags and finding a box of this. For those of you that don't know what this is, it's a red bean ice bar. It's Chinese? Japanese? Viet? O_o? Huh... I'm actually not sure but the box says made in the USA. I'm pretty sure it's Chinese though because you can find boxes of this stuff lining the frozen sections of Chinese supermarkets. These are sooooo gooooddd >_< They're not too sweet which I like and you know they're not artificial because you can see pieces of red bean in them. Even though they're called ice bars, they're not straight out ice. It's red bean pureed with milk so they won't break your teeth when you bite into them. A whole box of this in the fridge and another box of mung bean ice bars... all mine... kekeke
I remember sitting on the front stoop of my place way back when I still lived in Brooklyn and just chilling with my friends over a box of this. Those were the good times. I miss those days when we'd all just laugh over the simple things, when life wasn't full of drama or stress. What I would give to be young again.
I got a job offer for the interview I went to yesterday!! I'm so happy right now that I can't even express it in words. For the most part, this summer has been fun but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was being unproductive because I wasn't gaining any work experience. When an old colleague sent me a job description and told me to apply, I thought it was worth a shot. I didn't think I would really get the job but it feels good to get an offer letter. I'm definitely going to try my best and learn as much as I can in the 3 short weeks that I will be working here. I'm so happy about this and I just want to thank God for this opportunity. Even though I was unsure of what I wanted to do, God already planned it out for me. There is no need to worry when you place your trust in Him.
Today was a great day. I started the day off with a healthy breakfast of egg, toast, and fruit and then I was on my way to a marketing internship interview. Summer is about to end but there's always some time left to throw in some work experience. I'm going to keep my expectations low though because I only have a little less than a month left anyway. I was pretty productive and even managed to fit a few readings into my schedule. Then came the tough part... BLOGILATES.... Going through that first video, I realized why I hated her so much. It's a love hate relationship. I hate her because she can manage to do all those pop pilates moves so effortlessly while talking insistently but I love her because her moves do work (if you have the commitment to finish them). After a 40 minute full core workout, I was dying on the floor drenched in sweat. I am going to finish this month though. I promise myself that and I will look good a month later. The saddest part of my day though was when I looked at my toe and realized I have a little water bubble on it. No wonder it was stinging for so long. I use to be able to walk perfectly fine with heels on all day but after spraining my ankle like 2 months ago, I haven't been able to wear a pair of heels properly. After so long, I wore heels again for my interview and this is what happens. #somanysads -sighs- I guess it's time to soak away the sadness and soreness in a warm bath now.
"...Everyone needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else."
I nearly forgot myself in my first relationship. I tried to be considerate to the point where I doubted if the things I said or the things I did, were really true to who I was. I thought it was okay though. When things were good, everything was amazing. I was happy. My days were brighter. But whenever we argued, it would always leave me emotionally drained... A stranger walked up to me today after church just to ask me why I looked so sad? And I really had to ask myself, why was I so sad? I stuck to what I felt and that hurt him. Because of that, I started hurting inside too. But why is it that when I'm being truly me, it's when there's the most hurt?
It shouldn't be this way... I realize I shouldn't have to always be apologetic for who I am. And who I am, is not THE answer that he relies on even if he thinks that right now, I am what he needs. It's time I refocus on my life again and really try to understand who I am and who I want to be in this relationship...
So I'm known amongst my friends as a phone killer. It goes back to the good old high school days when there were no such things as smartphones. They were good old fashioned flip phones and slide phones. It's kinda nostalgic thinking back on them because kids now have probably never seen a phone with less than 3G. Well, ever since I got a cellphone, none of my phones have lasted past 6 months. The shortest lived phone was probably the first Nokia smartphone I got. They're supposed to be indestructible.... but two months after I got it, it drowned in the toilet.
The pattern just continued until I got my iPhone. This was legit the first phone that has made it past 2 years of my life. I've gotten so fond of it and it's still working perfectly fine. I mean I might have broken the screen a few times but I've always been able to fix it. I was hoping that maybe for once in my life, I would be able to switch into a new phone with my old phone still intact. I was so close.... Then my brother goes and breaks the back screen for me =_="... The worst part of all this was he had the nerve to blame it on me and yell at me for not putting a case on my phone. Talk about douche. Of course, that got me really pissed off and I started yelling at him. He never owns up to his mistakes and he's always putting the blame on other people. That is a serious flaw in his character and at first I pitied him for it. I constantly told him to try to change it but he would never acknowledge it and would get annoyed at me instead. But now, I don't even care anymore. It just disgusts me. If he doesn't want to change, so be it. One day it's going to bite him in the ass and when that day comes, he's definitely going to be alone, taking the full brunt of whatever consequences that befall him.
When summer gets too long, you pack your stuff and head to Brooklyn.
Since getting back from the cruise, I've barely gone out to do stuff except for my daily jog or bike ride. I feel healthier definitely but staying at home has been mentally draining like I mentioned in a previous post. Just getting out and traveling on the subway again was so refreshing. When I got to Brooklyn though, I got so confused with the street crossings. The streets were literally zigzagged and it didn't help that there were no markings on the ground. So I decided to just cut directly across, disregarding all the traffic hahahaha
I found my way to my friend's place and we had a mini-makeup sesh. It was hilarious because her boyfriend was there too and he was trying to video tape the whole thing. Half the time, my friend was just trying to keep me down from grabbing his phone. What I learned was: make-up is hard work..."Moisturizer - BB cream - Concealer - Eye primer - Eye shadow - Eye liner - (Mascara) - Eye brows - blush and lip gloss." I learned the difference between foundation, BB cream, CC cream and concealer (half of this stuff I've never even heard of because the most I usually do is eye liner). Then there was the eye shadow. She gave me a smoky eye which actually took a while to draw out. This supposedly made my eyes look bigger (but honestly I didn't really see much of a difference). For the lips, she even used two different colors for a Korean effect. The whole look was definitely different from my usual image. A few of my guy friends came over. You can definitely trust guys to be honest because the first thing they said was "who punched you in the eye?" LMAO They told me they liked me better without makeup and I think I might agree with them. I don't think I will be learning make-up any time soon but this will probably be helpful in the future when I need to look older for work.
Sleeping later and later everyday... not even cause I want to but because my brain won't let me sleep...then I wake up later everyday .. which makes me sleep even later the next day @_@ dang this reinforcing cycle... #messedupsleepinghabits #maybethisismybrainpreparingmeforthetimedifferenceinHK? #whoamIkidding OTL....ZZZzzzzz
Night time = best time to add doodles to le notebook kekeke so at least I'm kinda productive
So I nearly got hit by a taxi today. But who hasn't in New York City?
I've realized since long before, that I'm not the type of person who can sit still. Being in one place for too long makes me antsy. Being at home especially makes me feel helpless. After a while, I get grumpy and blow up on whoever happens to talk to me. I don't like that feeling. I always have so much energy and I need to expend it somewhere, anywhere.
When I'm outside, I always go all out. I play till I'm exhausted but for me, that's the best feeling in the world. I'm the most happy when I'm moving and when I come home at night, I sleep so soundly. At first, I thought that might have been wanderlust but it's different. This feeling of not being able to stay in one place for too long. The only word that can describe it, is peripatetic. Recently though, I've been staying at home a lot more... and it's really been draining me slowly. It's not who I am to stay still and honestly, it's suffocating and stifling. It's time I reconnect with who I really am and move.
Okay so maybe getting jury duty isn't the luckiest thing in the world. Getting jury duty and getting let out in 1 day though is very lucky. Most people have to sit there for at least 2 straight days and if they're unlucky, they'd have to go back and serve if they're picked. I don't mind serving on a jury because it sounds like a pretty cool experience but sitting in the jury reception area the entire day with nothing to do is pretty sad... I got there at 9:30 am, half an hour late even though I woke up at 7:30... sad moment when the train took forever to come and then I walked in the wrong direction when I got off. The worse part though was when I finally found the place, there was a line snaking out the building half way down the street. Though it does make sense to have tight security at a court of criminal law. @_@ meeps... not a good way to start the day...
It wasn't a bad day though, because it really gave me a chance to start this book again. I must admit I haven't been the most diligent person lately especially with my readings. I'm so behind on everything and even though I want to read again, for some reason I lack the motivation and resolve to do this. Sighs... So similar to what I'm feeling career wise... I always thought I wanted to do finance but now that I think about it, it's always just been a default because I don't know what else to do with my life. I'm really jealous of those with a passion. I want to pursue something with everything I've got but I don't know what it is yet. I know I need to focus and I try so hard to focus. I just really wish I knew what it was I'm meant to do in life. The Purpose Driven Life. That's a pretty good place to start since I don't have any better ideas as of yet. Shout out to Sarah for getting me to read this again ^^ Hopefully 40 days later, I'll know what it is I'm meant to do.
Not feeling too secure at the moment but definitely feeling better. And at least I know I'll be safe from jury duty for another 6 years.
New Goal for the summer: Try to eat a healthier diet.
I've hated oatmeal ever since I was small and you can't exactly blame me.. that stuff tastes like cardboard. It always tasted too "healthy" to me. I would like to believe I'm a healthy person. I get my day's worth of cardio by jogging or biking and I try to walk everywhere if I can. Recently though, I noticed I have a pretty bad snacking habit... If I see snacks in front of me, I unconsciously start nom-ing. That was when I remembered Sarah telling me that being healthy starts with eating healthier. It's pointless to workout like crazy if I don't take care of my diet as well.
Thereforeeeee I'm going to eat healthier this summer. I gave oatmeal a try again this morning and it actually wasn't as bad as I remembered ^^ Well, that was after I added condensed milk, honey, blueberries and almonds. Eating healthier just might be fun :D
"take me on a roadtrip so I can roll down the windows
let the heat of the shining sun caress my every pore
my every curve
my every bump
feel the crisp wind hug every strand of hair
let it whisper the secrets of the stars
to how they stay so damn beautiful
I want to let my eyes wander
the beauty of this planet
drive until the anchor of your soul has sank down and said
this is where we stay"
Asia | Hong Kong
NYC to Boston to HK
Babson Class of 2016
Work Hard | Play Hard | Sleep Hard |
~ I love the beauty in details~